Letters to Mating Animals: The Metre High Club

Highline Magazine, Summer Edition 2012

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Crane Flies,

I’m impressed with your mid-air sex-o-batics. It’s hard enough to perform when you’re on the ground, but to do it while flying around with your butts glued together? I mean, for starters, how do you decide what direction to go?

Of course I know it’s not really your butts. I see that the female’s abdomens are bloated with unfertilized eggs just waiting for a Daddy to show up. Apparently the massive, stinger-resembling ovipositor jutting like a sharp fork from her back end doesn’t put you male crane flies off. Although, I have to say, the “claspers” on your male nads can’t be that inspiring either. You guys are into pain, is that it? Kinky.

Are you so obsessed with this aerial nooky are you that don’t eat as adults? Because don’t get me wrong, I like sex, but giving up chocolate and perogies would almost kill me. I guess if I spent my whole adult life having sex that might help take my mind off my food cravings.

Good luck getting it on this summer, my air-copulating friends. Remember to watch out for hungry birds.